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 Warped! rough storyboard

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Jordy
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PostSubject: Warped! rough storyboard   Mon Sep 24, 2007 8:00 am

Rough sketches of one of my stories pages 23/24 look from right to left.
I did this back in june.
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HelenX
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PostSubject: Re: Warped! rough storyboard   Mon Sep 24, 2007 10:48 pm

Good try at making a manga! Props to you for sticking to the story for over 24 pages. =D
As for critique: I don't quite get what's going on. Correct me if I'm wrong: I think the character hears his friend calling him from behind, gets mad for some reason, then accidentally steps on an object. He turns back to take a closer look at the object except it almost explodes in his face. Some lines for the background would help the pictures pop out more since it the objects kind of look like it's floating in space. I had trouble figuring out what happened when you switched point of view in the last two panels on p23. For the panel with him bending down, his shoulders are too rounded, especially for a guy.

No speach bubbles or sound effects ? Or are you planning to add them later?
I'm assuming the static is from pencil smudges? Ink it and erase all the pencil marks or retrace it with cleaner lines...but clean lines aren't too important here since you put it in the scraps section.
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Jordy
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PostSubject: Re: Warped! rough storyboard   Tue Sep 25, 2007 9:59 am

Thanks it goes up to 27 pages I don't plan to clean this up either since I'm going to completely redo everything, in the new one it will be about 46 pages I've added new characters , I've basiccally set out to make the storie and it's characters insanely random.

This storyboard here though is shows Yazin after he just escapes from school and he bumps into a theif, the theif hears the police coming, he then runs leaving Yazin with the box
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HelenX
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PostSubject: Re: Warped! rough storyboard   Tue Sep 25, 2007 5:56 pm

eh...random can be good and bad...
Well good luck with redoing this manga.
I couldn't really tell it was a thief running in the background of the 2nd panel but I suppose it was made clear that he/she was a thief in the page prior to this one.
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onasai
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PostSubject: Re: Warped! rough storyboard   Thu Apr 24, 2008 4:29 pm

Was that toilet paper you drew on? Lol. I advise you to study anatomy :)
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